when i'm at dahn yoga, i think how i can't even tell people about my experience there because it's embarrassing. it's embarrassing because we do the sort of things that everyone judges unless they're doing it... like group circle hugs for five minutes and dancing with our eyes closed. it turns out that the one class i can go to each week is not really yoga at all. it's just totally nuts. but i paid for it, and i while i have no idea why, i do like it.
the thing about it, is that it's always different. you go in having no idea what these little korean women are going to ask you to do, you just know you're going to do it. tonight we learned a "happy dance" that reminded me a lot of something we would have done to warm up for choir in middle school. grapevines and all. but you know, it made me happy. i laughed. i tried really hard to be good at those stupid moves.
tonight, i also began to feel power building in my body. i thought it would burn or be heavy when i finally started to feel it, but it wasn't. it actually made me feel lighter... like i could stop carrying the weight of my own body for a moment. power never gets tired, and it held my body all night tonight.
there was a point where the master asked us to stand in a circle with our eyes closed and touch our pointer fingers to one another's. she instructed us to send messages of strength to each other. we had to hold our arms at shoulder height and bend our knees. at first, it quickly became excruciating. the girl to my right remained steady and i fed off of her. the girl to my left, her finger kept slipping, so i held her hand up with my other fingers. i fed off of her too because i felt i had to be her strength. eventually, my legs were shaking, but i didn't feel pain. when it was over, the master informed us we stayed in that position for 20 minutes. i was floored.
i also bought my first pair of size 12 dress pants today. i bought them for an interview. i got a luxury white button down to replace the one i wore out. also, i got a blue skirt. this blue skirt, paired with the white button-down, black tights and my small black boots will be the first "outfit" i've had in a long time. the problem is that i've nowhere to wear it.
tonight in dahn yoga, master kim asked us to share about what we got out of the class. when it was my turn, i tried to be vague. i said i felt like i gained power and that i was happy because that's what i need most right now. she asked me why and i had to listen to myself tell a room full of strangers (whom i just did the c-walk in the middle of the room for not thirty minutes earlier) "my heart is broken." and there was a silence. they were respectful. then i said, "i need power because i don't want to lose my spirit." master closed her eyes and said something in korean. then she told me i was right to be there.
does anyone know where i should wear my new outfit?
oh yeah. and i got my hair cut.
from what you have told me about that class..and reading this..it sounds so weird but so good. im happy that you go. what if it keeps making you feel amazing? keep sharing with me all the things you do. i love knowing.
ReplyDeleteyou have an interview???
whatever shirt you're wearing in the photo looks really good on you.
Wow, that Yoga class seems like the best. Seriously, that color looks so good on your skin. I am obsessed with it. I love when people dress in colors that compliment their skin. I don't think we are all meant to wear every color there is, so this makes me happy.
ReplyDeleteWear it whenever you want. You are a beautiful woman, and you should wear whatever the fuck you want. I'm so proud of you, and am envious of this class that you're in. Your hair looks great, and you seem to be lighter, happier.
ReplyDeleteMiss you
I agree, where your outfit wherever and whenever you want. I say the next time you have time you wear it and go to a bookstore, or someplace you've never been. You don't have to find a reason to wear it, make a reason to wear! I also think this class sounds awesome, and wish I had one to go to. I think that sometimes the world we live in teaches us what it okay to do and what is lame and makes box's that e all try to stay in, even if you are 'creative' 'artsy' 'unique' .. we send to associate certain activities and ways of acting into the groups we want to be in. But with this class it sounds freeing and empowering, without judgement because everyone is doing the same thing. I think this is a great place to breath, and refresh your spirit. I commend you on trying something new and searching for that refreshment before its to late!
ReplyDelete